The pain we are supposed to have (or: the ultimate body hack)

When we are injured, sick or in pain, it is easy to think things should be different to how they are.

We think “why is this happening to me?”, “I don’t have time for this!”, “I should be able to do this”, “I should be feeling better”, “I don’t deserve this”, “I wish I could just feel better”, “I should feel different to how I’m feeling”, or a myriad of other shoulds, whys, demands and wishes.

But is this really true?

Should we be anywhere other than exactly where we are?

Perhaps we’ve gone down a path of chronic illness, or haven’t bounced back from an injury or operation “the way we were supposed to”. Perhaps we are feeling exhausted and older than our years, or finally succumbed to a nasty chest infection after battling our way through cold after head-cold.

Is it really true that we shouldn’t be experiencing the health that we are currently living with?

Now, I am NOT advocating wallowing, or saying anyone deserves to be sick or in pain. And I am absolutely NOT saying that we should sit back and just put up with less than ideal health. Far from it! As you no doubt know I am a huge advocate for getting your health back on track, feeling amazing and enjoying every day.

But does it help us at all to live in denial of our reality when it comes to our health?

Or do we, in thinking or saying things should be different to how they are, take away our full acceptance of the situation and deny our responsibility for our own health?

In doing so, I believe we take away the one key that will unlock the door to our healthy and happy, pain-free future: Knowing that what we are experiencing is an essential, loving part of our whole beautiful journey back to glowing health.

It has been said that what we resist, persists.

Meaning if we remain in denial and non-acceptance we will continue to see those exact things we are resisting in our lives, showing up time after time in bigger and better ways, until we get the message loud and clear.

Here’s a common example:
A busy working mum (or dad) is constantly under the pump, both at home and at work. Racing around trying to get kids to school and sports, show up looking professional for work, manage a heavy workload, keep a clean house, saying yes to many social commitments and exercise classes and also trying to take on committee activities in her children’s school.
She is running on empty.
She catches a cold, but denies her illness and pushes through. Continuing to show up for everyone and everything outside herself, like nothing is wrong.
It drags on… She takes cold and flu medication so she can appear to still function and can see through her commitments.
Just when she thinks she might have kicked it, it comes back with a vengeance. Only now her kids are also sick and she’s caring for them, too. She takes antibiotics and soldiers on, knowing she doesn’t have time to be sick.
Weeks later, she’s still coughing. Wishing she felt better.
Her fever freshens up.
Finally, she finds herself unable to get out of bed and now has a full blown chest infection. She calls in the reinforcements, delegates her workload to others, asks other parents to help her with her children’s travel requirements and steps back from her commitments at school.

Sound familiar?

Now ask yourself this question: If she was to do the last part of that story first, would she have gone through the illness at all?

If she had been fully accepting of the stress her choices had created in her life, and listened to the subtle signs and messages from her body, would they have developed into a full-blown chest infection? Perhaps if she had not denied how she was feeling and what her body was trying to tell her, she could’ve avoided the illness in the first place by doing what she eventually had no choice but to do. The illness eventually forced her to heed her body’s messages – to unload the stresses of her very full life and put her own needs first.

The true gift of illness and pain is that they tell us exactly what we need in order to heal them.

But we have to know how to listen.

If we see our struggle as an essential part of our healing journey – see it as the important message we need to receive – as opposed to denying its relevance and believing it should be other than it is, then we short-cut the whole process of healing.

This is my ultimate body-hack. The key to shifting our health… Permanently.

Now picture the story above, but this time with one point of difference:

A busy working mum is constantly under the pump, both at home and work. Tuning-in to herself, she realises she is feeling overwhelmed. She can’t be all things to all people (and nothing to herself), and she decides to cut back on her commitments. Taking steps to delegate her workload and children’s transport requirements, she lightens her load so she can show up for herself. She cuts back on her school commitments, and limits the amount of after-school activities her children need to attend. This gives her more time to rest and recharge her own batteries, so she can be more present with herself and her family. She feels tired, so she goes to bed early instead of staying up late to get things done. In doing so, she wakes feeling refreshed and able to tackle some of the big tasks that have been weighing heavy on her. Her days get easier.

Many people say that thinking positive is how to heal ourselves.

But on this point I disagree.

Thinking positive can often be another form of denial.

If thinking positive looks more like grinning and bearing it and less like tuning-in and heeding the messages from our bodies then it is not going to heal anything. It will only send us down the path to burnout. However if we are tuning-in to our own needs and meeting them, with a grateful mindset and with relief that we are taking steps towards healing, then we are on the right track.

By all means, maintain a positive mindset. But not by denying what your body is trying to tell you or by pretending you can push on through when you need to stop.

Learn to listen to the subtle signs from your body.

Take notice and take action.
See the message of pain or illness as a blessing and a sign that you are on the right track.
Heed the messages from your body. Gratefully welcome them and act on them.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

For unless you know exactly where you are, how will you ever find your way out?

Copyright Emma Turton 2016.